Wednesday, September 30, 2009

It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year!

Nope it's not Christmas yet! So why am I singing Christmas songs you ask? Well, its my Pastor that got it stuck in my head actually! Last night several of the youth from Church came and we all washed and waxed the Church van! While we were working on it Pastor kept singing those words and it was so funny cause he eventually had a bunch of us singing it!

I have always loved this time of year even when I was a little girl I thought there was nothing quite like it!

It makes me think back to then and how it seemed like 1 day lasted forever and summer lasted for eternity and my favorite time of year was never going to come! I remember how I knew that fall was soon around the bend when I had to start school again..now that part of fall I never did enjoy to much but I can remember several times when I would do my school work outside cause I just could not stand to be stuck in the house on such a beautiful day!

Fall reminds me of so many things..things from my childhood and new traditions in my own home! The smell of cinnamon candles that fill my whole house with sweet goodness, having a warm fire in my fireplace, watching football and eating chili!, baking home made goodies, wearing hoodies, sweaters, and toe socks! the crispness that fills the air when the wind blows, watching the leaves fall softly to the ground and seeing the mountains appear in the distance through the trees! I love how the sky is always so bright and blue and you always see the prettiest sunrises and sunsets, I love eating big caramel apples and running through the leaves!

Even though I am married and have a home of my own now I suppose fall brings out the kid in me and it usually hangs around till the new year! I love the holidays too and I dream of the day when we will have our own kids and I can share all these things with them! But until that day comes I love spending these days with my wonderful Jonathan, family and of course all my great friends! There is really nothing quite like it!

To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:1

Monday, September 28, 2009

I Will Praise You In This Storm

Verse 1:
I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down and wiped our tears away,
Stepped in and saved the day. But once again, I say amen
And it's still raining, as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you" and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
The God who gives and takes away

Chorus:
And I'll praise you in this storm
And I will lift my hands for You are who You are
No matter where I am and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand, You've never left my side
And though my heart is torn, I will praise You in this storm

Verse 2:
I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You and raised me up again
My strength is almost gone how can I carry on If I can't find You
And as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you" and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
The God who gives and takes away

Chorus:
And I'll praise you in this storm
And I will lift my hands for You are who You are
No matter where I am and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand, You've never left my side
And though my heart is torn, I will praise You in this storm



Even though these things in my life are hard and testing my faith, I know I am still suppose to praise the Lord for everything. Even in joy and pain, laughter and tears, sunshine or rain God has been good and I give Him all the praise. He is worthy!

Saturday, September 26, 2009

When My Faith Is Tested

When our faith is tested what do we do? (What do I do?) Do I give up? Or press on through the heat, do I trust in what I cannot see and have the faith to move the mountain? Or do I hide in the darkness to not reveal the hurt of my broken heart? These are questions I have asked myself and maybe even you have asked before. But what do we choose?

My mind keeps going back to the verse at the top of my blog, Matthew 17:20. I started wondering why did He choose to compare our faith to one of the smallest seeds that there is? He said that if we could have just that much faith that we could move the mountain, and then a thought came to me, maybe its not so much the size of our faith but who we have our faith in? How much greater is He? For He is the one who made the mountain!

A quote by my Pastor~

"Circumstances should not move our faith and what we believe." -Pastor Pallotta

I do not want the circumstances in my life right now to cause me to loose my faith. I want to keep faith close so that I always have the Lord close.

Learning to walk by this faith I am finding is the hardest part, but I am praying that through these test, God will help my faith grow so that I can come through stronger for Him.

For the which cause I also suffer these things: nevertheless I am not ashamed: for I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day. 2 Timothy 1:12






Thursday, September 17, 2009

A Greater Cause

Tomorrow will be one week ago I did a post in remembrance of 9-11. It was, as ya’ll all ready know, the 8th anniversary and it is very sad to say but I am sure many people relived that day all over again. I paused that day to remember the lives that were lost and the cause of why they died. But today another thought came to my mind, another cause for which a life was given to save someone else.

The day Jesus gave His life for me, He died for the sin of every man, woman, boy, and girl so that we could be saved and live with Him forever in Heaven someday. But even though God did all this for us, He also gave us our own will to choose whether we would accept or deny Him.

As I thought about how He so willing lay down His life for me all I could feel was love. I had not even been thought of yet when He died, and yet he knew me still and it took the blood of this One Holy and Spotless Lamb to wash away my sins. The sin I had not even committed yet. As I sat and thought on these things today I felt so overwhelmed. Why would God love me so much? Why would He give His only Son to save me? I could not comprehend these thoughts. I could not wrap my mind around them. All I could think was “What Love”!

And then I began to feel somewhat ashamed for how I had doubted Him and His never-ending love for me. How could I doubt the one that gave me the breath I breathe or doubt the one that created our world in just 7 days, I felt ashamed for my disbelief.

While I sat there feeling so lost, it seemed as though He whispered to me “it’s ok” I don’t think any less of you because you doubted me. But do you see now that I am right here with you whether you think I am or not? It seemed as if He was asking me “So are you ready to trust me yet?” How could I argue with this? Instead I sat there for a long time just trying to listen to Him. I have been looking and searching so hard for some rest and peace in Him, when He was right there all along. I am so thankful that He does not get frustrated at me. I do wonder at times though if He has thought He should wave neon signs for me to see Him? LOL

I have been praying and searching for a way out of this valley but He showed me today what I needed to find was the peace He would give and the unending supply of grace He offers to walk right through it, and what is even more wonderful to know is that He will give it to me again tomorrow.

I suppose I have drifted from my original thought. There is a much greater cause that we should remember today! the cause of Jesus Christ. Now I know that today is just September 17, 2009. That I know of, it is not a day that has been recorded in our history books or talked about for a special reason. It is a day the Lord has given us! with a new chance to live for Him. May everyday He gives be a constant reminder of what He did for us and His love and mercy. And may we go out into all the world and tell others of Him and how He loves them too.

I know it may seem like I am talking to the choir but this is what God has done for me today and it has been on my heart and mind so much that I wanted to share it with you all.

I know that each one of us faces battles and that we sruggle with things that sometimes cannot be explained. Don’t get me wrong I am still searching for God’s Will. I don’t have all the answers for my life yet and I still have so much to learn and I know that there will still be tough times ahead, but, on this very rainy day God put a ray of sunshine in my heart and gave me a peace that I have never known before.

I know too that this valley will end and I am sure I will face another, but, when I do I will be able to look back and remember this time in my life when God filled my heart with His love and peace and I will know that if He did it before He will do it again.

I hope and pray that as you read this that it will remind you of how much God love’s and cares for you!



Friday, September 11, 2009

Never Forget!

Today marks the 8th Anniversary of 9-11. It was a day when this country experienced great loss and sorrow. This is a post dedicated to all the men, women, boys, and girls who lost their life that day.

I remember waking up that morning and it seemed to be just like any other day. I was doing my school work when I heard my Daddy say "Oh My!" I ran to see what was wrong and I found my Dad in front of the t.v. with his head in his hands. I remember saying "Daddy, What's wrong?" and he told me that terrorist had just attacked our country. I did not even know what a terrorist was. I was just 17 years old when that day happened and as I watched on t.v. those towers fall and those planes that hit those buildings I remember how scared I was. I had never seen such a thing in my life and I feared what would happen.

I saw many people covered in a layer of white dust with blood on them. They were the ones that had survived. I also saw men and woman carrying one another to safety, and then I saw people who had died. I remember crying as I watched this horrific display before my eyes.

I remember not doing school for the rest of the day and I remember knowing that this was a day that would soon be in our history books. I remember my Dad did not go to work that day and I remember that we did not do much. No, instead we sat in silence and watched as the events of the day began to unfold.

I remember that day very well, and so as we go through this day may we pause to remember those who died and those who gave their lives trying to rescue and save others. What hero's they were. This is a short video that I put together in honor of them all. May we never forget!




Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Growing Pains

When I was a kid, sometimes people would ask me if I had any growing pains. I would look at them and just smile, I really did not understand what they meant by that statement and I must have not experienced very many of them due to the fact that I am just 5' tall. Someone once told me not to let it bother me and that I really was not short, I'm just vertically challenged. I always liked that little saying but now I am getting away from my point.

Someone told me tonight that I am growing in the Lord each day and that while we grow sometimes we will experience pain and difficult times, I also know that we experience many other things and many different emotions as we face each day. I am starting to find though that it is tough to know how to process more than one emotion at a time. Sometimes being excited and scared at the same time can seem to mess with your mind. As I was listening to this person talk my only response was “Growing is Hard!” To which they replied “Yes, sometimes it is.” I started to comment that I did not know if I liked this growing process or not but I know too that while things seem tough that this growing will bring me closer to the Lord if I will trust in Him, and knowing this makes the trip seem a little easier. I just pray that as I grow and learn that my life will reflect Christ.

Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you…James 4:8

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Special Service At FBC!




We had a special service at Church today! A Family from Springfield TN came to our Church to sing! They are the Stewart Family, a very good family that loves the Lord and wants to sing and live for Him. They do a Beautiful job singing and they were truly a blessing and encouragement. I did not get a video of them singing but I do have some pictures. I also have the words below to a song that they sung today. I had never heard this song before and it blessed my heart so much!

I know that as I am waiting through this journey, that I am waiting on God's Will and sometimes His Will is not ours and while I am praying for Him to give me the desires of my heart. If He says "No" I am still blessed!

We also had a wonderful dinner after the service this morning! I enjoyed the great food, fellowship of friends and the wonderful services we had today!


A Greater Yes

Verse 1:
It starts with a desire, planted deep within your heart
You pray in faith, and wait for God to move
Time passes and you wonder
Did He hear me when I called?
Should I even have prayed that prayer at all

Chorus:
You never pray a prayer, your Father will not answer
He can't ignore His child's earnest request
While you're waiting and believing
For what you thought was best
Trust God if He says no….. You're still Blessed
There must be a greater yes

Verse 2:
There comes a time when child-like faith
Must graduate to trust
Trials come and you're convinced you're on your own
But the teacher's often silent
During the hardest test
But He'll answer when It's time with what is best

Bridge:
Sometimes God will answer - just like we prayed
Then other times what's on His mind
Is a better plan, a another way, a greater yes


Friday, September 4, 2009

Do You Still Love Me

This is a song that is on a CD that a friend let me borrow. It goes along with the post I did a few days ago, "While I'm Waiting." I wanted to share this because I am still thanking the Lord for His goodness to me. And this says very well that He does still love us even when we make mistakes and fail Him. Thank you Lord for your great love and goodness to me.

Do You Still Love Me?

Verse 1
In a lonely place, In the darkness of the night
I knew in my heart it wasn't right
Between the Lord and me
What could I say
As I knelt before a Holy God to pray

Chorus
Do you love me?
Do you love me still?
Do you care enough to bring me back into your will?
Then He answered me and I knew it was true
He said, "I do"

Verse 2
In a barren place, In the dry dessert sand
Far from the blessed promised land
In the wilderness away, From green meadows
I cried out to God from the shadows

Chorus
Do you love me?
Do you love me still?
Do you care enough to bring me back into your will?
Then He answered me and I knew it was true
He said, "I do"

No matter what you've done
Come to the one
Who will cleanse you from it all
If you will call to Him

Chorus
Do you love me?
Do you love me still?
Do you care enough to bring me back into your will?
Then He'll answer you
And you'll know it is true
He'll say "I do"


Thursday, September 3, 2009

A Change

When I created my new blog I considered changing the name from Country Living to something else but did not know what to change it to so I left it as it was, and I did not say anything about changing it because I was unsure if I would or not. I did change my address due to the fact that blogger already had my old one.

As I have continued to think on what I wanted to change my blog to, I started thinking about how it was Country Living and it came to me "How am I living for the Lord?" and my answer was "by faith!" So I wanted the address to be living by faith but that was taken so I chose mustardseedfaith1720 because Matthew 17:20 says And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, if ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you. The thought came to me that if we could really have this kind of faith and be able to move a mountain then how much more faith we should have to know that God will take care of us. After all, He did create us and He did say I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. Hebrews 13:5b. I want my life and how I live to show Jesus in every way and I pray that as you follow me and my journey through life that you will see through this blog the true desire of my heart is to live for Him. God bless you all!

A quote from a book I have~
We don't loose faith because we struggle. We struggle because we loose faith.
Help Me Dear Lord, to ever keep my faith and trust in You!

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

While I'm Waiting


For the last few months I have been struggling with some very difficult things.

I am gonna go back a little ways and tell a story of my life. I hope that through this post you will see God in my life and how merciful He has been to me. I will say this though, that this is gonna be a long post and unless you have some extra time on your hands you may not want to read it just because I know it will be long.

To start, I was raised for most of my life in a Christian home. We did not always go to Church. I remember going some when I was little and I had even attended some Christian schools but it was not until I was about 8 yrs old that we started going to Church faithfully.

My Daddy was a Marine and at this time he was stationed in Okinawa, Japan and so my Mom and I lived with my aunt and uncle while he was away. When he came home we moved to Camp Lejeune, North Carolina. We lived there for about a month before we started going back to Church again. We found a small Church that we attended while we lived there. When my Dad retired and we came back to Tennessee I was 12 yrs old. For a short time my Dad had to go back to North Carolina. But he came home almost every weekend and we started attending a Church in Harriman, Tennessee. Little did I know that I would grow up in this Church, meet the love of my life and stay there until I was 24 yrs old.

A lot happened in my life though during those 12 yrs. I had made a profession of faith when I was 13 and was baptized. I now was a child who attended Church every Sunday Morning, Sunday Night and Wednesday Night. And every time in between that the Church doors were open. I had a Christian Home and a Mother and Father who wanted to do right.

As I grew up I began to see that even though I had been raised in a Christian home for several years now, that I had not truly accepted Jesus as my Savior. And so at the age of 18 I got saved. We had had VBS at our Church and my teacher taught on "To Know the Love of Christ" it was then that I realized that I was lost but I did not surrender to Him until almost 2 weeks later. I had deceived myself into believing that I was saved when I knew deep down inside that I was not, and so on August 8, 2002 God came into my heart and saved me. I was a whole new person and I had such a fire and passion to serve the Lord. I felt like I was unstoppable. But, little did I know that just a year later that all my hopes and dreams were going to be shattered. I was about to face the first valley of my life and I was just a new Christian. I was not prepared for what was coming my way.

The Christian Home that I had known fell apart right before my eyes. I learned that for all those years my Daddy was lost without the Lord. Now, before I go on I must say that I have not talked very much about these things in my life. I have never wanted pity or for anyone to feel sorry for me because I knew that I was not the only one facing a battle. I also did not talk much because I felt like I was the one who had to be strong. I told myself that I could not fall apart. But little did I know that I was not making it as well as I thought I was.

Being faced with the reality that I had a Daddy that was lost tore me apart. He did not want to be saved and he chose his own way. He is still living a life for himself and does not want God in his life. He is a good person and would do anything for anyone but that is not what is gonna get him to Heaven and he knows that. I asked him once did he not fear for his life because he was lost and knew the truth and he answered me with "I have enough time, I will get right someday" I told him that we have no promise of tomorrow and did it not bother him that he would spend forever in Hell if he died before he got right. He said "No."

Again I had a broken heart and a Daddy that is still lost. I say this not to make him look bad. I love my Dad with all my heart. I say this to beg you to pray for him. He did do wrong and chose a life for himself instead of choosing to follow God. But, I know that God can break the strongest of hearts and can turn his life around. Jesus died for him just as he did for you and me.

But at this point in my life I was so broken hearted. I had made plans for my life and wanted God's Will but when MY plans seemed to fall apart and things did not go my way. I gave up.

I still went to church and tried to live the way I was supposed to but I had so much hurt and bitterness inside that I could not live for Him the way that I should. I had blamed God for the loss in my life and in reality turned my back on Him. Not long after these things had happened I began to see how wrong I was for doing such things. I realized how I must have caused the Lord to cry a lot of tears. I begged God for forgiveness and pleaded for Him to take away this shame that I felt. I believe that He did forgive me but I could not forgive myself for what I had done. I was so afraid that even though I had asked for His forgiveness that He would still never use me again. The joy and happiness that I once had seemed to be gone, and the fire that I once had, had dwindled to not even a flame. I now had a past that I knew Satan would continue to haunt me with for the rest of my days.

I at that point thought about how much easier it would have to be if I just quit all together. I am ashamed to say that there were times that living did not seem to matter to me anymore. I just wanted the pain to go away.

But then I heard a song sung at Church one Sunday Morning that said how He is so worthy of our praise. It talks about how He took our place and our sin and shame, and it says how that we would be foolish to give up on Him after all He has done for us. As I listened to those words all I could feel was regret for how I had turned my back on Him. I was scared that He would never use me again because I blamed Him for the loss that I had in my life. Something that meant the world to me was taken away and I felt that it was all His fault because how could He love me and take away something that was my whole world. I begged God again for forgiveness. I was searching for a way out but still could not find peace. I remember feeling like I was at the end of my rope. But just when I thought all hope was lost because God had not spoken to me, He showed up, through a still small voice He spoke to my heart and gave me so much comfort.

He gave me a Bible verse- Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart; wait, I say, on the Lord. Psalm 27:14 I wrote that verse in the front of my old Bible and I would go back and read it from time to time when I needed to be reminded of Him and the comfort that He had given me. I seemed to be doing at little better and it seemed that the wounds were beginning to heal. I married a wonderful man! One that I grew up with and had never dreamed I would marry but God had other plans! We got married on April 16, 2005. I had begun to look at life again through new eyes! "He is a preacher and a Godly man and I knew that we would have a Christian Home. We knew that we wanted to live for the Lord and give Him our new home and our lives to be used for Him.

It was not long after we got married that I faced another valley. But this one we faced together. I had gotten pregnant and had a miscarriage. I did not know how to feel. I was devastated. We had a baby in Heaven and broken hearts.

I began to search for God through this valley but could not seem to find him anywhere. Once again it seemed that He had forgotten me and all hope was lost. I remember I was at home one day and feeling very low. I remember opening my Bible and I did not know where to turn all I knew was I needed something from Him. When I opened my Bible I saw that same verse again. Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say on the Lord. Psalm 27:14. Tears flooded my eyes as I read that verse.

But once again I still had a past that Satan revealed to me. It was as if He said "Yeah so what you found that verse again, but you know He will still never use you cause you turned your back on Him" I felt defeated and crushed and once again begged God for forgiveness.

Jonathan and I had made the decision when we first got married that if God wanted us to have children right away that, that was fine with us or if He wanted us to wait that we would do whatever He wanted. But now I had a baby in Heaven and my heart had such a longing to hold that little child. I was just 21 yrs old when that happened and had only been married for a few months. Jonathan and I both decided then that after that we wanted to have children as soon as we could.

That was a little over 4 years ago. I know that does not seem all that long and I know of couples that have waited MUCH longer. We began to pray though and ask God to give us children.

I did not know though for a while that I had some problems that were gonna make things tough for us to have kids. We saw a doctor and after 2 years of test and waiting they finally told me that I had PCOS (aka) Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. They told us that it is something that many women have and that not to worry many women had still had kids. But that we needed to see a specialist because they did not know what else to do to help us and they said that our only option maybe en vitro. We began to pray for God's direction and help in what to do now and we made the decision after much prayer that we would wait a couple years and if in a couple years we still did not have kids that we would see a specialist. During those two years we waited and prayed and begged God to give us the desire of our heart.

I had talked to a friend of mine one day and she told me about this doctor that she had found and how they had tried for a long time to have another baby but had not been able. So I now had a new hope that maybe this doctor could help us and so we decided to see this doctor. He was not a specialist in PCOS but we had hoped that maybe he could help us in some way that the other doctor had not been able too. We only saw him for a little while when we finally made the decision that this was not the direction we wanted to take and that we would just continue to wait for the rest of those two years and if nothing had still happened that we would see a specialist.

During this time we joined a new Church and found a new family in the Lord in our new Church. This was just a year ago! We began to talk some to the Pastor and his wife because we knew that they too had some of the same struggles to have children. They had waited for 14 yrs before the Lord blessed them with a baby girl. We have waited for just a little over 4 yrs now and I long to be a Mommy so much that I can't imagine the struggle of waiting for 14 yrs. This is a quote from a movie but it is so true in my life. "How can I miss someone so much that I have never met?" For I long to hold a child that I can call my own and give back to the Lord, I long to hear "Mommy, I Love You" when I tuck them in at night, I long to rock that child in my arms and sing to them "Jesus Loves Me" I long to hear laughter and giggles when they run through the house playing, I long to teach them about Jesus and how much He loves them.

We started seeing a new doctor a few months ago who is a specialist. It is the doctor that helped our Pastor and his wife to have their little girl.

The first time that we went to see him, he told us that he was not sure if we had had a miscarriage or not. He said that it could have been a cyst that had ruptured. He had not seen the records from the doctor that had said that so he had nothing to say whether we did or did not. I have nothing either that proves that I did or did not. I just know how sick I was and how I felt. I believe with all my heart that we have a child in Heaven, even though I have no proof here on earth to tell me that I do.

Hearing these words from him though brought back all the tears I have cried because I want so much to be a Mom. I began to beg God again to give me the desires of my heart. But once again, Satan brought up my past and told me again that God would not use me because of what I had done. He told me "What makes you think that God will give you the desires of your heart when you broke His. Again, all I felt was shame.

Last year I got a new Bible and I wrote that same verse in the front of it. As I now was facing another valley and looking for God's Will, I went to my Bible looking for strength and would you guess what I found, that same old verse. Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord. Psalm 27:14. Tears flooded my eyes once again and I had found some peace in my heart.

For the past few months I have still been battling though with Satan and my past and feeling like God would not use me. I have made the decision now that I want to live for God no matter what happens in my life. Whether He chooses to give us the Children we want or if He says "no." I want so much to be used of God and that our Home will be used for Him.

But something I have just recently learned is that while we are waiting for God to show us His Will, whatever it may be, He does not want us to sit still and just wait. He wants us to be working for Him while we wait. And He has also shown me that while I am waiting for His Will and my dreams to come true that I have to be happy where He has placed me. And for now that means taking care of my home and my husband and being the best Christian that I can be for Him.

Since we started seeing this new doctor and God has been working all these things in me I have had so much in my heart and I have wanted to write it out somehow and so I wrote the words above that are on the picture.

This past Sunday when I went to Church, my Pastor preached a message on giving your whole heart to the Lord. He has actually been preaching a series on these messages and I have been praying and seeking the Lord's Will for what He has for my life as I have listened to those messages. I have still been struggling with not knowing if God would use me. I realized Sunday that if He is gonna use me I have to forgive myself and move on or my life will always be a battle with Satan and how I did wrong. I have finally seen that He has forgiven me for the wrong I did and that it is under the blood and I have been set free in Him. I now know that He is not through with me, and that my life is still useable for Him. I thank the Lord and praise His name for giving me victory over the hurt that I have felt for so long. I know that I still have battles to face and there will be victories to win. But as I face each day I know that I have God right beside me and that I can face anything with Him! I also know that Jonathan loves me and is there for me as I face these trying times. I know that he is facing them too and I want to be there for him as he is here for me.

I wanted to share this with you that you could see God's Goodness in my life. I hope that somehow it will share my new passion and desire that I have to serve Him. He has been so good to me and I have been so blessed! I give Him all the glory for He truly is Worthy!